in the still of the night, we walked hand and hand as we took our first step in the land of the free.
and, the first thing i did, was ask where we were as if i knew where i was, but no one had a clue.
i didn’t know how to control my emotions, especially since i’ve been anticipating for this moment for a while now.
i thought to myself -i don’t know about them but i couldn’t wait to fuck sh!t up.
as a matter of fact, i couldn’t wait to make world news or to see my face all over the news.
♥ ♥ ♥
it all started when i lost my dad. . .
i knew that he was labeled as a terrorist, but in our country there is no such thing as a terrorist. so i never thought anything would ever happen to him, but then again it was like he knew that he was going to die by the way he spoke.
i remember him saying it was either “kill or get killed” and that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to take over.
i only agreed so that he would leave me alone, but he knew very well i wanted no part of his style of life.
♥ ♥ ♥
well- i know i said i wanted nothing to do with my dad’s way of living but after he was killed, i felt like it was my responsibility to go after those who killed him.
the night he was killed, my mom told me and my brothers to pack our things because we were coming to the united states to live a better life.
while i packed what i could, i knew that this was the only opportunity i had to get revenge for what they did to my dad.
she warned us about getting criticized for who we were and where we came from, but it didn’t bother me, i was going for one reason and one reason only.
♥ ♥ ♥
i’ve been in the united states for about a year now and i think it’s time; time to fuck sh!t up.
i had it all planned.
everything from the date, the time, the explosives, to the location, when i began to have second thoughts.
it took me awhile to figure out where these thoughts were coming from, but then i realized, it was the flashbacks of what happened back home.
it was flashbacks of dead bodies of babies and wives of those who lost their lives because of the bad things their families’ and friends did that caused me to have second thoughts.
i cried thinking: how could i be so selfish? that could have been me and my family, but it wasn’t.
i guess i was so angry that i was willing to hurt others for sh!t they didn’t even do and for what?? that wasn’t going to bring my dad back.
no wonder why my mom was always afraid that when we grew up, we would have joined the group my dad was a part of, also known as isis, because we probably would have.
but now that he is gone, it was our only chance to get away, so we did.
she confessed of what a bad person he was and how hard it was to keep our family away from that life style but there was nothing she could do to protect us.
my mom was right, what he did was wrong, and it cost him his life.
i didn’t want to be a reflection of who he was.
why would i?
that isn’t who my mom raised me to be.
so, please forget about what i said about wanting to fucking sh!t up and please forget about me wanting my face being all over the news.
life, at this point, isn’t about getting revenge.
life is about living a new life beyond the border
ephesians 4:26-27 26 be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil
the LITTLE things in LIFE © 